I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
