Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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