but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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