drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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