yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
