I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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