tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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