woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
