I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
