Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize