I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
