Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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