I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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