she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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