a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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