she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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