We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
