So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
