My balls are so social today.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
