You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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