can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
