Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
