So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
