I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
