You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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