smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
