dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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