good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize