I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
