After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
