found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
