If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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