I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
