It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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