If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The air taste purple.
Randomize
