Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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