Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
