if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
being pregnant is like rehab
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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