found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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