Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
