eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
