im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
