We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
