btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
