i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
