..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
