I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's like heaven, but drunker
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
