Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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