When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
