Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
