brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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