That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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