Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
