We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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