If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
