just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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