i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
