I just saw a hot homeless man
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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