I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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