Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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