I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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