It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
