Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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