If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
