He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize