so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
