sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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