Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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